Check it out! Excerpt- Southern Fried Honeybee, a novel #free

“You are shitting me,” Rob said.

“You’ve got to be making this stuff up,” Sam added still laughing. Offended, Charlie yelled for Sue. A few seconds later the petite woman’s shiny dark head popped out of the kitchen.

“Sue what did we use to call the honeybees when I first started making them at USM.”

“Dick on a Stick,” Sue yelled back before ducking back in the kitchen. Charlie raised her eyebrows at the two stunned men. Shaking his head in disbelief, Rob reset the camera before hitting the record button again. Once again, the little red light came on and Charlie continued with her story.

“So, as I was saying the Honeybees initially were called Dick on A Stick mainly because of their, you know, phallus shape, and the cream- well, you get the picture. Now this was not Grand’s name this was something I came up with to sell them. You know how raunchy college kids can get especially late at night when they’re looking for something to get into. Everyone on campus loved the naughtiness of it, but, of course, as the treats gained a more shall we say, “off campus crowd appeal” the name became a problem. No matter how progressive a lot of people claim to be they don’t appreciate having to ask for an order of dicks on a stick. The imagery is kind of hard to get over. The college crowd didn’t mind but by then the non-college crowd was growing even quicker especially when I changed the name. Grand couldn’t stand the name either, so you know, got to do what granny says. Plus, Cyndi, my PR person, although back then she ain’t have no title. But it was her idea that if we wanted this thing to grow, we had to give it a more family friendly name. That’s when I decided to call them honeybees, in homage to my Grand, of course. The Southern Fried moniker, I thought, gave them a regional appeal, but it’s kind of taken on a life of its own. We, meaning my staff, all consider ourselves Southern Fried Honeybees. That really gave Cyndy something to work with too. She stepped it up big time with branding once I got set on a name. She slapped a honeybee on everything she could. So, with her marketing, and my cooking it became a big hit.”

“What about Sue?”

“Oh, Sue,” Charlie laughed, “she’s the brawn of the deal.” The men laughed considering the barely five-foot woman that had stepped out earlier. “No seriously, Sue may be small but she’s mighty. Sue makes sure we have what we need with all the buildings, contracts. And if we need some folks smacked around verbally to get them, in line, we send Sue in. If she were two feet taller and had a few more pounds on her she could probably do it for real too. Don’t get it twisted, Sue about that life.”

“I understand where the honeybee name came from, but what does southern fried mean?”

“Means you’re a little crazy, just a little nuts, and a lot weird, but it’s all love. You know like: that boy is southern fried as hell, but he’s still good people. That’s what southern fried means. It’s like crazy, but harmless crazy. You know us Southerners, we’re all a little southern fried, or touched in the head as my Grand used to say something to do with the heat and hurricanes you know. Not dumb, just different. I mean you got to be to live down here. Mississippi ain’t for the faint of heart, lord no.”

Cell Phone God

I hate texting I hate cell phones even their convenience because it feels as if everyone has one and no one knows anything they only think they do I even hate the convenience it used to be back in the day if you wanted to know something you had to go in search of it you had to be purposeful intentional now everyone has access to all the information past present and future and still no one knows anything and worse they don’t even care that they don’t know so I hate cell phones because it seems like a waste all that knowledge and nobody knows a thing they just think they do which makes it worse somehow I miss the days where everyone was on the same playing field we knew nothing we knew that we knew nothing and those that did know something they were valued and they worked to maintain their knowledge they put effort into it now everything is so convenient and within reach everyone thinks that they’re knowledgeable or at least can be and so they’re just lazy with it why remember anything or try to know anything or to have any kind of expertise on anything when everything can be assessed with a few strokes of your thumb but in truth nothing is ever really known it’s just accessed in the moment and then forgotten like a piece of tissue that you blow your nose into all that was taken to get that piece of tissue is discarded within seconds not even fully used just a piece of snot and another tree gone I like the days where when you left the house you left everything behind and you could be in the moment wherever you were at and whoever you were around they were the most important people it was a shared experience folks don’t have that today because they have their cell phone they don’t need anybody else or they don’t think that they need anybody else they have a false sense of security that everything is alright everything is OK but the moment that that cell phone is taken from them is lost it’s broken it’s forgotten where is their skill set or God forbid if a satellite goes down a tower goes down what will they do they will be lost that’s what they’ll be completely and utterly lost and worse panicked panic and lost are the worst two things you could possibly be yeah I would like to get rid of the cell phones I’d like to get rid of the cell phones I would like to get rid of the smart TV’s everything that takes our attention away from the moment I would like to get rid of them for a time maybe if there was a way that we could put it away at least for a portion of the day or that you know if they were out of use for at least a portion of the day I think that it would help all of us because it would force us to turn to one another and actually have a conversation reveal our need of one another reveal something something that we’ve lost because our cell phones made us feel like Gods